The day after I decided to clear the trash from my dating life, I get electronically transmitted communications from not one but TWO sweet, fun guys. AND I have a ticket to the MegaFaun show in a few weeks! Thank Shiva for recognizing my good decision :D
2 steps to happiness
Chuck Palahniuk - Invisible Monsters (via thatquote)
And, doesn’t it hurt sometimes?
(via sexploratorium)
(via polyamorouslife)
Between Mr. Wizard and the Tantric Farmer*, I’m actually polyamorous** and not just in an open relationship with a married guy!!
It was never really a goal for me, but I’m proud that I’ve been able to open myself up to the concept in a span of about six months. I’ve learned a ridiculous amount of things, chief among them: acceptance of self and others. I don’t expect that steep learning curve to to recede anytime soon. In fact, I welcome whatever life brings me. It’s exhilarating!
Poly is SO complimentary to my lifestyle and life goals. I get all the alone time I want. I get the deep, connected companionship I want. And I get the super awesome physical contact that comes along with deep personal connections. I feel very safe and loved. I’m attracting conscious, present people into my life.
I’ve never been so honest and compassionate toward myself and others. I’m living by my own rules and on my own terms, which I can change at my whim. I feel so present and powerful. My heart is awake and I don’t think it’s going back to sleep ever again!
And this weekend, I’m working on some super secret stealth ways to reach out to the ladies. If I build it… Lookout, world!
*Though absent from my blogs for a bit, he’s still around! Update in the works.
**Multi-amorous sounds a lot more fun if you ask me!
I cannot express how happy and in love with myself I am right now. The past few weeks were quite rough with the SSRI bad trip and the possible bad STI. I survived them both! On my own! And I feel so complete because I know I can take whatever comes my way. It’s so comforting… And I just want to keep hanging out with me and getting to know myself!! Methinks this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You see, I was never raised to love myself or anyone. Love was very conditional in my formative years. You only got love if you “deserved” it by doing what someone wanted you to do. The result of not fulfilling someone else’s wishes was judgment and abuse, which created a cycle of pain and fear. I also grew up Catholic, so add guilt and shame to that mix. I spent most of my life trying to suppress those feelings with drugs, alcohol, stress, romantic relationships, and whatever next thing I could find that would make my life perfect: music, yoga, meditation, veganism, money, you name it-I thought it would complete me.
But no more! I’ve sorted through my emotional baggage and sent everything off to St. Vinnie’s! I’ve finally accepted myself and my past and I’m coming into my own more every day. I know how to take care of myself when I start feeling bad. I am learning to chill out rather than running myself ragged, ending a decade-long stress addiction. I’m claiming my feelings and living in the present. I don’t need or want others’ approval, and thereby save myself the energy of insecurity and gain the energy of independence. There is limitless undying love surging through every wavelength of my being. I cannot express how good it feels. Nothing can bother me for long, because I’ll eventually laugh at myself about how silly it is! I hope everyone who reads this feels this way at some point in their lives. It’s taken me 29 years, but it was well worth the wait and the weight.
CURRENTLY BLOGGING @ http://lifeapalooza.tumblr.com/
The myriad musings of a late-20s, atheist, Buddhist, pansexual, feminist, polyamorous yogini, reiki practitioner, meditator, and CONFIRMED BACHELORETTE. Cause really, it's all an oxytocin hunt.
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