Why is it so hard to let go? Not to let go of a certain situation, but to let go in general? When I think I’ve allowed myself to sink into the comfort of present reality, I something out of the corner of my eye that terrifies me. Why? Probably because my conscious mind is searching desperately for something to fear because that’s its habit. My rational mind knows that something creeping in the periphery is nothing to fear, but my emotional instinct erects some protective barrier before I can even blink. The barrier inflicts friction for no reason other than habit. Clinging to routine and depriving the rest of me (aside from that ego) of growth.
I’ve learned through therapy that feelings like this are reactions developed in response to external stimuli. The feelings want to be acknowledged, respected, and nurtured. It’s tough to do when I really want nothing to do with those feelings at all. But that’s near the root of the problem. I’ve been burying them for longer than I can remember. But I vow to learn to show love to that pain and anxiety. Dammit!
Why are we so scared to be honest with people we feel close to? Is the threat of pain more powerful than the reward of honesty and possibility of a deeper mutual appreciation?
I recently advised a friend to communicate honestly with someone he cares about and is unsure of her intentions. Easier said than done. First, you have to be honest with yourself about where the anxiety is coming from. Then you have to nurture it. And everything will then unfold as it should. That’s the scary part for me, letting it be. As much as I know it’s right, it’s still my instinct to fight it. But I’m going to lay down my arms if it’s the last thing I do.
Time isn’t precious at all, because it is an illusion. What you perceive as precious is not time but the one point that is out of time: the Now. That is precious indeed. The more you are focused on time—past and future—the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is.
I’m in majorly uncharted territory. But I’m trusting my gut and doing what seems like the right thing at the time. And not worrying about the future and paying attention to right now. Which has been my goal all along. I think I like this relationship so much because it really reinforces my personal goals.
me, in a gchat to a friend. I’m not trying to gloat, but damn, it feels good to be happy with how you’re evolving…
If you knew your potential to feel good, you would ask no one to be different so that you can feel good. You would free yourself of all of that cumbersome impossibility of needing to control the world, or control your mate, or control your child. You are the only one who creates your reality. For no one else can think for you, no one else can do it. It is only you, every bit of it you.
“If you are waiting for anything in order to live and love without holding back, then you suffer. Every moment is the most important moment of your life. No future time is better than now to let down your guard and love.”
CURRENTLY BLOGGING @ http://lifeapalooza.tumblr.com/
The myriad musings of a late-20s, atheist, Buddhist, pansexual, feminist, polyamorous yogini, reiki practitioner, meditator, and CONFIRMED BACHELORETTE. Cause really, it's all an oxytocin hunt.