Everything in my life has changed. Nothing has changed. But my perception.
Going off of SSRIs made for a crazy week last week. Only when I realized that I’d cried three times in three days (the third time, fully legitimate—I actually sobbed, “This is the worst week of my life!”) did I it hit me that it might not be coincidence. My body/sleep/emotions are a bit out of sorts, but I’m doing really well being mindful of them. So I’m generally happy charting this new territory!
I’m playing a lot of guitar. Spending as much time with myself as possible. And being as present as possible. Which is surprisingly easy with less SSRIs in my body.
Also, the Tantric Farmer got a job in California four days a week. His apartment in my city is no longer his come mid-August. He told me, per an agreement with his wife to work on their marriage, I would only see him one night a month. ONE NIGHT! It hurt a lot. But you know what? So be it. We’ll see what happens. I felt like I was getting screwed for being cool because he’s taking the lessons he learned from our relationship back to another relationship. But c’est la vie-that’s good, right? I’m sure there’s awesomeness waiting around the corner for both of us. We’ve pledged to stay in close contact and he’ll be here the weekend after next to clean out his apartment. We danced to an amazing free Budos Band show and did fun drugs and had our usual weekend lovefest. May I recommend this? So yay! I think the change will be good for him and me alike. The drama we’ve gone through in the past few months has only made us closer and more compassionate.
I also have a few dates lined up with some cool-seeming dudes. One is a professor/biker who just moved to town. I must say that showing dudes around Madison is one of my specialties. Know why? Cause I’m cool and I know all the cool places!! Another is a student, a bit young for my taste (ok, basically my age), but he’s really interested in tantra and is already poly, but not looking for a third, which I adore. And he plays music! So there is definitely more connection in the pipeline. Most importantly, stronger connection with myself. And hopefully some new bandmates. I am ready to rock!