a snippet of a convo I had with a dude on OKC. (I got his permission to post.) I’m excited to meet him!
I think the dishonesty in relationships often spawns from a lack of agreement about what the relationship actually consists of. For “romantic” ideals, people enter into relationships without ever actually discussing the nature of it. They just assume they are making the same relationship agreement, as defined in our culture by pop songs and movies. Courtship proceeds with as little communications as possible so as not to “spoil the romance”. If you are “perfect for each other”, then you will magically know what your partner desires without even discussing it. The relationship progresses, the infatuation stage tapers off, and they become increasingly resentful of the fact that the relationship isn’t what they thought it was. (How could it be?) Resentment builds, both feel trapped, and that’s when the really dishonest crap starts. Si.
Nothing is more loving than honesty, and nothing sexier than being free to ask for what you want, and maybe getting it!